Previously: Feyre kept asking stupid questions.
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Feyre is "pretending to meander" through the gardens, which, if you're curious, is exactly like meandering. As she does, she's mentally marking the layout and noting good hiding places. Feyre also figures there must be an armory somewhere on the estate since Tamlin wears a bunch of knives.

"And if not, I would find another weapon, then—steal it if I had to. Just in case."

"...then DRAMATIC PAUSE steal it if I had to."

I hate how SJM uses em dashes, particularly because she does this constantly. I've heard from a handful of her fans that they love it because it makes it super easy to read, as even the tone and rhythm are force-fed to you. I find this insufferable. I feel like I can't even read in my own cadence because I HAVE TO read it, beat for beat, the way SJM intended. And it's overwrought! No need to add all this drama to thinking of stealing a knife when we've spent 75 pages hearing you plot multiple murders. We aren't shocked you'd steal, girlie pop.

Her plot to escape also includes going out the window, as she checked, and it isn't locked. I'm not going to say that Feyre isn't a little trapped here, because she kind of is by threat of danger and ignorance of place, but she's heard approximately 859 times that she's free to go whenever she wants. And yet she's still like "better check this window to see if it's locked." Bestie, nothing is locked. How many times must you hear this? You can LEAVE.

This is why this stupid book is 420 pages.

And even though we spent this time going over Feyre's escape plan, she tells us she's not planning on escaping. She believes Tamlin that there are dangerous things out there. Also, remember your family and how escaping would be bad for them? No? Not this chapter? Okay. 

Feyre's new, non-escape plan is to have someone plead her case before Tamlin. PLEAD WHAT CASE??? To release her from the Treaty? I thought Tamlin had mentioned several times that even if he does, the Contrivance Treaty dictates that some other fae will just find her and kill her. And also, Feyre herself realized she can't go back home because her family is better taken care of now than they were before. Did I fever dream all of this, or does SJM forget what she writes as soon as she writes it? 

Whatever, the plan is to get someone to get Tamlin to let her go. She decides maybe Lucien can help her since he wants to kill her, and sending her away is a good consolation prize. That would make sense if Lucien wanted to kill her because he doesn't want her there. It doesn't make any sense because Lucien wants to kill her for murdering his friend. I doubt sending her back home to live consequence-free is high up on Lucien's to-do list, but, hey, maybe it is, because SJM can't write characters that make sense. 

Feyre hears two people walking toward her, but when she looks, the path is empty. She keeps hearing the footsteps and sees something shimmering, but before she can tell who is stalking her, Alis calls her for lunch. When she turns back towards the path, all she finds is a statue of two lambs. 

We cut to dinner. Feyre steals a knife while Lucien is ranting to Tamlin about his magical eye. Feyre thinks maybe she should feel bad about the masks superglued to their faces or about the blight, but she doesn't because she doesn't like them. See, sometimes Feyre and I have things in common: I also don't like them, and I also don't care.

Feyre compares Lucien's sword to Tamlin's knives. She thinks that there is no one here to use a sword against. What does that mean? Have we not talked extensively about all the dangers of the surrounding area?

And then: 

"Alis had said the house was safe, but warned me to keep my wits about me. What might lurk beyond the house—or be able to use my human senses against me? Just how far would Tamlin’s order not to harm me stretch? What kind of authority did he hold?"

Please, we GET IT, beyond the house is DANGEROUS. How many times do we have to hear this? This is the stuff that makes me legitimately confused by how people find this experience fun. It is painful to me that we are getting the same stuff over and over again, and it isn't like concrete lore or world-building information. It's just Feyre thinking the same thoughts repeatedly, often just asking herself questions.

Lucien stops talking when he realizes Feyre is staring at his sword. He wonders if she's admiring it or planning to kill him. Feyre says she wasn't. Tamlin steps in and says that Feyre likes to hunt. She snaps that she doesn't like to hunt. She did it out of necessity. Feyre asks how Tamlin knew that about her, and he's like, "You killed my friend with a bow and arrow?????" 

He doesn't actually say that. He lays out all the evidence: she was in the forest, she had a bow and arrow in her house, her hands are calloused while her father's were not, and she left directions about money and the pelts to her family. He's like, " Duh, fae aren't stupid. 

Lucien asks how old Feyre is anyway. I had forgotten if she was 18, the favorite age of fantasy romance writers to make sure their female characters are just barely not children, but it turns out she's 19. Still a teen, though—perfect for these immortal creatures to (take advantage of) fall in love with. 

Lucien tsks at her being so young and so grave already. Feyre has to calm herself down, since she's trying to play nice (is she?), and thinks about how she has to get back to her family because apparently she's decided that having Tamlin take care of them isn't the same as her taking care of them???? And so she's not fulfilling her deathbed promise to her mother to see after her family????? This doesn't even make any damn sense, especially when in the next sentence, she remembers her plan to MARRY OFF HER SISTERS, so SOMEONE ELSE COULD TAKE CARE OF THEM.

And even more annoyingly, one chapter ago, she decided it would be worse to go back to her family!!! And that they would be better taken care of by Tamlin!!!!!!

DID SHE FORGET???? DOES ANYTHING WRITTEN IN THIS BOOK MATTER?????

Okay, deep breaths. I know I need them when the extra question marks and exclamation points pour out of me. If they bother you, pretend I'm edited by Sarah J. Maas's editor. 

The point is that Feyre thinks about how she can still get back home, marry off her sisters, and have enough food for herself and her father, and some time to paint. Take a shot. 

Also, here is this graphic I've lovingly crafted in Canva of the drinking game so far: 

Enjoy, be safe.

Feyre decides she should ask some questions to find out more about them and asks what they do all day besides enforcing Contrivance Treaties and having fancy meals. 

"“Didn’t …,” Tamlin interrupted, his deep voice surprisingly gentle, “didn’t your mother tell you anything about us?”"

WHAT. What the hell? In what world does this conversation sequence make sense:

"So, what do you guys do around here besides eat fancy meals 😏"

"Feyre... 🥺 don't you have a mother to teach you what fae do besides eat fancy meals? 🥺"

It's also really stupid because:

- It is clear Feyre has heard stories about fae, because she's repeatedly mentioned the impression she has of fae due to the stories she's heard.

- Tamlin himself has referenced the misinformation she's received through human stories, so why would he now be like "don't your totally inaccurate human stories have something accurate to say about how fae spend their time??"

- Why would human stories be like "and on Mondays, the fae enjoy an early dinner and a night at the theater"? 

- Tamlin knows Feyre was living with her father and sisters, so why would him bringing up her dead mother out of nowhere when she's trying to be nice and playful be anything but an attack???

Feyre just says that her mother didn't have time to tell her fae stories. Tamlin doesn't take this cue and continues his attack by asking how her mother died. She doesn't want his pity, so she answers his question (typhus) and gets ready to leave. 

Tamlin calls her back and expresses his condolences. Feyre leaves. 

She thinks some more about how she really needs to talk to Lucien to see if she can convince him to get her out of here, this place, where all the doors are open. She stows away her cutlery knife in her escape pack, even though she isn't planning on escaping. 

That was 5 Kindle pages and 19 em dashes. 

Next time: Feyre talks to Lucien so she can escape, I guess, in Chapter 09.

♥️

Mari