Previously: The fae make Feyre bathe.
--

Not a Martax and Lucien are still at the table when Feyre returns from being bathed.

"The golden-haired High Fae and Lucien were lounging at the table when Alis returned me to the dining room. They no longer had plates before them, but still sipped from golden goblets. Real gold—not paint or foil."

I simply cannot keep adding things to the drinking game.

Feyre remembers how she was eating with those shabby forks recently, and I honestly did not expect those damn shabby forks they made their ex-servants eat with to be so present in this story.

There is still food on the table, and Feyre remembers she's starving, or whatever.

Not a Martax repeats that the food is safe for Feyre to eat. She doesn't approach the table still, so Not a Martax asks what she wants, then.

"Lucien drawled from his seat along the length of the table, “I told you so, Tamlin.” He flicked a glance toward his friend. “Your skills with females have definitely become rusty in recent decades.”"

"Lucien drawled from his seat," and the actual thing he drawls is so much further down the sentence that I briefly thought SJM was using drawl to describe him standing from his seat.

Also, SJM's characters never just laugh or breathe or glance. They huff a laugh, loose a breath, flick a glance. When we have this light verb construction, in which a weak verb gets paired with a noun to express something a single stronger verb could do alone, it ends up padding the story even more. "He glanced" is doing its job. "He flicked a glance" is that same job but with an unpaid intern. In a book where we've spent seven chapters so far going nowhere fast, and where every single thing gets described three times, I am begging SJM to let her verbs work alone.

On the bright side, we finally have a name: Tamlin. I can stop calling him Not a Martax.

Feyre thinks about how old Tamlin must be, since Lucien mentioned "decades," even though he looks no older than Feyre. Lucien says Feyre looks better now, even though he would've preferred her in a dress (ew, wtf.). Feyre responds that she'd rather not wear the dress. Tamlin correctly assumes it's because it will be easier to murder more people in pants.

Again, I'm confused here about the murdering thing, because he's told her she can just leave. Is Feyre just daydreaming about murder for the fun of it?

Feyre asks what Tamlin plans on doing with her now that she's here. Lucien snorts at that, and Tamlin snarls at her to sit down. Feyre finally does, so Tamlin stands to serve her. We get a prolonged bit where Feyre describes how scary Tamlin is (again some more) and then she "looses a breath" when Tamlin finally retakes his seat.

Encouraged by Lucien's looks and nods, Tamlin tries to compliment Feyre and tells her that she looks better than before, and her hair is clean. This all makes incredible amounts more sense when you remember that this was marketed as a Beauty and the Beast retelling when it was released.

Feyre asks if the men are faerie nobility, and Lucien coughs at that. It's at this point that I noticed that Lucien has just been... making a lot of noise during this scene? I don't know how to explain this:

It's super distracting, and it's making me hate Lucien for no other reason than all this sputtering he's doing.

Anyway, Lucien coughs and says he's going to let Tamlin handle the answer to this question. But the answer is just "yes." So. Okay? Why did Tamlin have to handle that one? Also, I thought we knew this already based on the fact that they are shape-shifting fae, which makes them High Fae? And Feyre is like, "Wow, a man, a few words," but all she asked was if he was High Fae, and the answer is yes! What else is there to say?

Feyre asks AGAIN what they plan to do with her now that she's here. Tamlin repeats that she can do whatever she wants. I swear to you, we've had this conversation before, and I totally buy why Feyre doesn't believe him, but then why ask again? From an in-story perspective, why would Feyre keep asking questions only not to believe any of his answers? From an out-of-story perspective, and more importantly, why put me, the reader, through this multiple times???

Feyre asks if she's meant to be a slave, which takes both Tamlin and Lucien aback. Tamlin says they don't keep slaves. Feyre asks if she's meant to work to earn her keep and thinks about how stupid it is to ask this question. I know I've already made plenty of jokes about Feyre being stupid, as that was the prevailing impression of her that I took away from this reading experience many years ago. Now, I swear most of it must be because she spends an inordinate amount of time telling us how stupid or foolish she's being. Also, why would working for her keep be a stupider question to ask than being a slave???

Tamlin says that whatever Feyre wants to do with her life isn't his problem. Lucien clears his throat, noisy bastard, and Tamlin "flashes him a glare" because why glare when you can flash.

Tamlin asks if Feyre has any interests, and this is the ONE FUCKING TIME she can bring up painting in a non-annoying way, and she decides NOT TO MENTION IT. THIS WAS YOUR MOMENT, FEYRE.

“No.” Not entirely true, but I wasn’t about to explain the painting to him. Not when he was apparently having a great deal of trouble just talking to me civilly.

What do you mean EXPLAIN PAINTING? WHAT IS THERE TO EXPLAIN????

Lucien scoffs that having no interests is "so typically human." In what world, real or imaginary, have humans been known for having the interests, Lucien? Pipe down over there.

Tamlin tells her to do whatever she likes with her time, but to stay out of trouble. Feyre asks (again again again this is hell) if she is meant to stay in this place forever. Tamlin reminds her (again again again seriously who wrote this) that this is part of the Treaty, and he didn't make the rules.

Feyre finally brings up her concern over her family starving, noting that she isn't too proud to beg for them, which is not at all the impression I've gotten from Feyre. I mean to say that all of her reactions make no sense if her goal is to get away from here safely, find protection for her family, or otherwise survive to help her family survive. I guess you can fill in for SJM that Feyre is confused or something, but the truth of the matter is that this is terrible and inconsistent characterization.

Feyre asks if there is another way she can atone for the murder. Lucien is like, "ATONE? Have you even apologized yet??" She has not because she is not sorry, and in fact, she'd do it again, bop bop.

Feyre looks at Lucien and says she's sorry. He asks some questions about how, exactly, she murdered their wolf friend, but Tamlin cuts the conversation off because he doesn't want to hear the details. She says (again) that her family is starving and won't last without her.

“Enough, Lucien,” Tamlin said to his courtier with a snarl. “I don’t want to hear details.” He turned to me, ancient and brutal and unyielding.

I spoke before he could say anything. “My family won’t last a month without me.” Lucien chuckled, and I gritted my teeth. “Do you know what it’s like to be hungry?” I demanded, anger rising to devour any common sense. “Do you know what it’s like to not know when your next meal will be?”

Tamlin’s jaw tightened. “Your family is alive and well-cared for. You think so low of faeries that you believe I’d take their only source of income and nourishment and not replace it?”

I straightened. “You swear it?” Even if faeries couldn’t lie, I had to hear it.

A low, incredulous laugh. “On everything that I am and possess.”

“Why not tell me that when we left the cottage?”

“Would you have believed me? Do you even believe me now?” Tamlin’s claws embedded in the arms of his chair.

A few things:

1- Why is Lucien chuckling there? Like SHUT UP, my guy. Truly, PIPE DOWN.

2- "Anger rising to devour any common sense." Girl, what common sense?

3- Duh she thinks so low of faeries? SHE WAS JUST TALKING ABOUT KILLING ONE IN COLD BLOOD. I'd say that's pretty fucking low there. Why is this a surprise to Tamlin?

4- Good sir, what about a wolf man showing up and growling and whisking Feyre away was meant to convey "but don't worry, I will certainly do the honorable thing and care for your family?"

5- This "faeries can't lie" thing is sending me. I don't remember if/when we get the truth about fae and lying, but either way, Feyre believes they can't lie, and also refuses to believe anything they say. What's going on here???

Tamlin tells Feyre that she should be grateful that he not only spared her life but is taking care of her family, which is just the kind of thing every kidnapee wants to hear from their kidnapper. Feyre stands up in a huff, "wisdom be damned" (honestly, should we drink every time Feyre tells us something she's doing is stupid?) and contemplates kicking her chair like a child, but then TAMLIN USES MAGIC TO RESTRAIN HER.

Jesus Christ, they are one-upping each other, so I can't decide who I hate more.

With Feyre magically restrained, Tamlin says he's going to warn Feyre once and then shares something he's said like 27 times already: she can go live anywhere else in Prythian, but she can't return home. He adds that if she does, her family will no longer be cared for. So, uh, bro, you aren't caring for them out of the goodness of your heart, so maybe tone down the "do you think so low of us?" you know?

Before Feyre can protest some more, he repeats that the food isn't drugged or poisoned, and she should eat before she faints.

So ordered, Feyre starts eating, and it's magical and delicious. Tamlin and Lucien just stare at her in silence the entire time she's eating like creeps. When Feyre reaches for seconds, Tamlin just magically disappears the food because he's decided that she's eaten too much.

Okay, I hate Tamlin the most.

And listen, I remember how much people loved Tamlin when we had nothing but the first book. There is a lot of revisionist history now, plus new readers have spoilers and can binge the series, but people loved Tamlin. I literally do not understand why. I know we were in the beginning when he's being all beastly. This is supposed to play as awkward, anti-social man trying to win over damsel, but it's actually giving creepy kidnapper who continues to exert control and force over a young woman. Magic roofies? Magical restraints? Holding the care of her family over her head? Controlling her food intake?

Since Feyre has eaten the exact right amount as determined by Tamlin, he loosens her magical bonds, which he left in place the entire time she was eating. Feyre thanks him for the food and gets ready to leave. Lucien asks if she won't stay for wine, but Feyre says she's tired.

"“It’s been a few decades since I last saw one of you,” Lucien drawled, “but you humans never change, so I don’t think I’m wrong in asking why you find our company to be so unpleasant, when surely the men back home aren’t much to look at.”"

Dear sweet Lord in heaven, is this for real? Feyre will shortly play it like "ah, that fae vanity," but even if faeries are vain, does this make any sort of logical sense as a conclusion Lucien would reach??? He's just grilled her about a murder that she was kidnapped for, and he watched as Tamlin magically restrained her and struggled to talk to her about literally anything. In what world is the conclusion there, "she must think we are ugly?"

Let's call this what it actually is: another painful and clunky segue. Another example of how no characters that SJM writes act like themselves, but instead just do and say the things they need to do and say to get the scene or dialogue in the direction SJM wanted it to go. It was time to talk about whether or not Feyre has a boy back home, and instead of making this a smooth transition or a charmingly awkward one, we just get "Why are you leaving, freshly kidnapped woman? Is it because I'm ugly?"

“You’re High Fae,” I said tightly. “I’d ask why you’d even bother inviting me here at all—or dining with me.” Fool—I really should have been killed ten times over already.

You're telling us.

Lucien sticks to his "why don't you want to sit with us if we aren't ugly" thing and swings it around to "unless you have someone back home 👀"

Feyre admits that she was close to someone, but when Lucien presses, says they weren't in love and she's definitely not in love with anyone. She also asks if they have nothing better to do than ask after her love life.

Tamlin cuts the conversation off again and tells Feyre to go rest. If she needs anything, she's to tell the staff, who will help her.

"“Why?” I asked. “Why be so generous?”"

This chapter is long for no reason.

Tamlin says he's being nice because he kills too often and also because she's "insignificant enough" not to ruffle his estate too much. Someone punch that man in the face.

Feyre thanks him and backs out of the room, heading off to bed.

And yet, somehow, there is more chapter left. The next morning, Feyre is up before dawn, as was her habit at home. She sits in bed and imagines Nesta being happy to have extra room in the bed and delighting over the fact that a fae might've eaten Feyre. This really makes me feel worse about Feyre than it does about Nesta, honestly. She's daydreaming about her sister hating her in vivid detail? We don't even know if this is true. I mean, it might be since Nesta IS one-dimensionally hateful, but this doesn't paint Feyre in an overly flattering light, either.

Feyre wonders how exactly Tamlin is taking care of her family, which would've been the better question to ask rather than the "why are you doing this?" she asked approximately 84 times. She thinks about how leaving Prythian would mean no more provision for her family, which they would probably resent more than appreciate.

Forgetting all the evidence to the contrary, like holding the health and safety of her family over her head and using magic to control her, Feyre concedes that maybe Tamlin isn't completely wicked if he spared her life.

Alis enters the room and walks into a make-shift trap Feyre created from the curtain trimmings. Alis mocks her for thinking a trap would keep her safe. Feyre says it was more of an alarm to give her time to run, so Alis mocks this too. Another stunning female character.

It's time for breakfast and more questions. Feyre asks Alis where she is, and Alis won't answer. It's really funny because Tamlin is like, "You are free, girl, I am not trapping you here." And Feyre is like "...where is here?" and no one will tell her.

Alis tells Feyre that she will be kind of safe, but Tamlin's protection will only go so far, so she should keep her wits about her if she explores the grounds. Feyre asks what kinds of faeries she should look out for, and Alis says, "all of them."

"I refused Alis’s offer and dressed myself in another exquisite tunic—this one of purple so deep it could have been black. I wished I knew the name for the color, but cataloged it anyway."

That's weird to me. You described the color, so why would you need the name? To head into the craft store and buy paints? What's happening here?

Since she's getting dressed, that means it's time to look in a mirror and describe herself. Herself is, of course, very beautiful but she's sad about it, naturally. It's the only way in fantasy romance. Mostly, she's sad because she's beautiful in a way that reminds her of her parents. Also, looking like her parents reminds her of how Nesta hates her. Feyre's actual favorite activity is daydreaming about how much Nesta hates her. Sorry, painting, you've been demoted.

Feyre has no idea what to do now, so Alis suggests a walk in the gardens. Bro, the ones you just warned her against? Okay. 

On the way there, we encounter this right mess of a sentence:

"A balmy breeze scented with … hyacinth, I realized—if only from Elain’s small garden—floated down the halls, carrying with it the pleasant chirping of a bunting, a bird I wouldn’t hear back home for months—if I ever heard them at all."

Sometimes I remember people rate this book 5 stars, and I have a little cry.

Feyre also notices the art on the walls and stops to marvel at a particular painting and gives us a few paragraphs of details about how amazing perfect the best it is. Surely this counts as a painting shot.

Tamlin comes out of nowhere to ask where she's going. Feyre reminds him that he said she could do whatever. She also describes his "male beauty" and "golden-tan skin." I'm noting the skin thing because SJM has a habit of describing her men very vaguely when it comes to skin, and the fandom often interprets them as men of color. That said, I've only ever seen Tamlin depicted as and discussed as a white man, and yet his skin is also described as "golden-tan." File that away.

Tamlin asks if Feyre wants a tour, and she says no. He insists because he wants to go on a walk too, but Feyre keeps trying to dodge him.

"“Do you have some sort of problem with me?”"

Well, namely, I would think that she's in no one will tell her where, with no one will tell her what dangers all around, and anytime she upsets her, you magically roofie her or tie her up. Only those few, small problems.

Feyre just says no and walks off. Tamlin calls after her that he won't kill her because he doesn't break his promises. Feyre asks him if he might harm her, then, and that's the loophole of his truth-telling. Tamlin says that everyone is under strict orders not to even touch her. Feyre says she's still trapped here for "breaking a rule" (uh, murder?) that she didn't even know existed (you definitely knew you shouldn't have murdered that wolf). She asks some pointed questions about the Treaty and whether or not the wolf man was breaking it himself by being on human lands.

Tamlin considers her for a bit and then says that the Treaty only prevents fae from enslaving humans. They could still go cross the border, though, and kill them all? That seems like a really poorly constructed Treaty.

Feyre asks again what Andras was doing on human lands, and Tamlin actually tells her: there is a mysterious sickness spreading through Prythian, and it's making magic act funny. It's why they all have masks super glued to their faces, or whatever, because the blight hit while they were at a masquerade party. I'm not making this up; this is for real.

Andras was looking for a cure... in the forest... apparently???? Just sniffing it out??? Feyre asks if the sickness can spread to humans, and Tamlin says yeah, probably, even though it only affects magic?????

Feyre mentions what the mercenary said about faeries attacking humans. She asks if the two things are related. Tamlin says he doesn't know. They banter a bit more before Tamlin leaves, and Feyre heads off into the hedges. She's very blasé about wandering off directionless, considering she's heard no less than 139 times that there are many dangers out here.

Feyre thinks about what she learned about the magical blight that attacks magic and somehow means that since humans have no magic, they won't have defenses against the magical blight.........

She wonders if any fae would think to warn the humans about this and quickly decides probably not.

THE END.

That was 16 Kindle pages and 72 em dashes, but somehow, I made it.

Next time: Feyre plans how to not escape if she were to escape, or something, in Chapter 08.

♥️

Mari