Previously: A random fae dies.
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Hey friends!

Sorry for the little unexpected break. I didn't do that on purpose at all; life just got busy, and then every time I thought about writing a post, I did something else instead.

But I'm back and ready to suffer.

We start chapter 18 the day after Feyre saw a fae die in the foyer.

Feyre leaves her room to find that all the faerie blood has been cleaned up. She moves on from thoughts of the dead fae astonishingly quickly as she thinks about finding Tamlin to super apologize for murdering his friend. I guess after seeing another fae die, she's like oh, right, right, I murdered one of those.

Then, she looks out the window and gets distracted by how pretty it is and, everyone say it with me now, she wants to paint it.

She wants to ask Tamlin if the paints she requested are ready, but also feels like maybe it's a bad time to ask. On account of the whole fae dying in the foyer thing.

Tamlin and Lucien walk in, "discussing some border patrol or another," but Lucien just waves and quickly sees himself out when he notices Feyre.

Feyre just, like, looks around, hoping to catch sight of some paint. I'm serious. She's like, "Maybe the paint is around here somewhere."

"I glanced around, hoping for any sign of those paints, but Tam pointed to the open front doors through which Lucien had exited."

Okay, girl. Great plan.

Outside, Tamlin has readied the horses. Lucien is already on his horse. Feyre turns to look at Tamlin and remembers that the Suriel told her to stay with "him" because "he" will keep her safe. I guess she's back to being reluctant to be around him? Who knows. Feyre feels about Tamlin however any given sentence decides she should feel about Tamlin.

"“Your supplies won’t arrive until tomorrow, and the gallery’s being cleaned, and my … meeting was postponed.” Was he rambling?"

I mean, was that really a ramble? It kind of just feels like he's explaining what's going on.

Point is that Tamlin has planned a ride—one, he jokes, with no death included. 

Feyre wonders about where Tamlin buried the Naga and then thinks about how she never would've believed a High Lord would dig a grave for a stranger, but now she knows better because Tamlin offered her a sanctuary instead of death.

But wasn't she just insinuating that she is only around him because of the Suriel's words? But now she's like "My hero!" The lack of continuity from sentence to sentence might actually send me into an early grave.

Anyway, we cut to the super special glen where Tamlin has brought her. Any guesses on how she immediately describes this place? Anyone? Anyone?

Ah yes, she wouldn't be able to paint it.

Lucien is third wheeling here, as they plop down on a blanket, and Feyre tells us how perfect, beautiful, and magical the glen is.

Tamlin asks if Feyre likes the glen, and she gives a simple "yes." Tamlin is like "Just yes?" and she asks if he would like her to "grovel with gratitude" at his bringing her here, calling him High Lord as she does.

Tamlin calls her out on it since it means the Suriel did, in fact, reveal information to her, despite her assertion to the contrary. Feyre jokes that the Suriel also told her that Tamlin likes to be brushed and that she can train him with treats. Everyone laughs, even Luc,ien who is surprised that Feyre made a joke. Not to defend Feyre or anything, but maybe she hasn't been up for jokes while being kidnapped, you know? And not to hate on Feyre, but it was a stupid ass joke.

Lucien is chugging something alcoholic straight from a bottle, which is also how I would cope with third-wheeling Tamlin and Feyre. Tamlin stands because he has something he wants to show Feyre.

Tam leads her to a pool full of liquid starlight. What is liquid starlight? Just go with it. Truly, when Feyre asks how the heck this is possible, Tamlin just goes ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. He tells Feyre to go ahead and jump in for a swim, but she figures that means a nakey swim, and she doesn't want to do that. Tamlin doesn't press.

Feyre asks if Lucien is okay because he reacted badly to the injured fae last night. Tamlin says that Lucien has seen some bad things, and last night probably reminded him of those bad things. Tam explains that Lucien is the youngest of seven sons of the High Lord of the Autumn Court. The strongest son will inherit the title, but Lucien was never interested in the title. He spent his time making friends in other courts and sleeping around, all until he fell in love with someone low-born. His father took exception and had the woman executed while he forced Lucien to watch. Lucien renounced his title and ran, wandering into Tamlin's territory. Tamlin made him an emissary, and his brothers, scared of Tamlin, have mostly left him alone.

So, in a nutshell, Lucien's man pain comes from an unnamed woman being fridged. Listen, I know more happened to him, as we haven't heard the story of his eye yet, but Tamlin is telling the story of why he's not okay, and he started with the fridging, so.

I'll also mention that dropped in here is our first mention of a mating bond. Tamlin says that Lucien fell in love with this woman and was sure the mating bond was going to "snap into place soon." I'd ask some questions here about the mechanics of the mate bond, but I have a feeling I'll soon be sick of the mate bond. I'll enjoy my ignorance for a little longer.

Of course, Feyre thinks that while this doesn't excuse Lucien for everything he's said and done to her, she does understand him now. Did she not understand him back when he was being mean to her because she murdered his friend? No? She understands him now that a woman died for his backstory? Right, right.

Feyre is too sad now, so she changes the subject and asks what would happen if she drank the liquid starlight. Tamlin says that legend has it that you would be happy until your last breath. He suggests that he and Feyre both need a drink. Feyre jokes that the whole pool wouldn't be enough to make her happy. Ha ha ha, I guess? Tamlin thinks it's funny. I want them all to stop trying to joke.

"He came a step closer, as if forcibly leaving behind the dark, sad stain of what had happened to Lucien..."

Or as if he was getting one step closer to someone he was talking to. Either or, hard to tell.

Tam asks what would make Feyre happy, and she confesses that she doesn't know. She remembers how her only previous dreams were marrying off her sisters, having enough money to feed herself and her father, and learning to paint.

“Hmm,” he said, not stepping away. “What about the ringing of bluebells? Or a ribbon of sunshine? Or a garland of moonlight?” He grinned wickedly.

High Lord of Prythian indeed. High Lord of Foolery was more like it. And he knew—he knew I’d say no, that I’d squirm a bit from merely being alone with him.

No. I wouldn’t let him have the satisfaction of embarrassing me. I’d had enough of that lately, enough of … of that girl encased in ice and bitterness. So I gave him a sweet smile, doing my best to pretend that my stomach wasn’t flipping over itself. “A swim sounds delightful.”

SJM's writing and logic always leave me feeling off balance. So, Tamlin brings her to the star pool and asks her to swim. She says no because she doesn't want to get naked in front of Tamlin. So he doesn't press, but instead tells her sad stories that aren't his to tell. Then he changes the subject again and tells her about the legend of drinking from the star pool and how that brings happiness. Feyre says she doesn't know what would make her happy. Then Tamlin jokes that bluebells and sunshine and moonlight would make her happy??? And Feyre jumps from here, paragraphs later, and thinks, "Aha! He is being silly because he knew I would say no when he asked to go swimming." Also, what does her being encased in ice and bitterness have to do with her having had enough of being embarrassed lately???? HOW DID WE GET HERE?

Feyre gets undressed and leaves her underwear on, which she says is modest enough that she isn't really showing anything. So... why was her initial reaction that she didn't want to swim naked? Did she forget about her underwear?

Tamlin ogles Feyre and then starts taking off his clothes very slowly. Is this... is this a strip tease? Feyre checks out Tamlin's chest and thinks about how Isaac, remember that one guy she used to fuck, was all gangly, but Tamlin is no boy, he's a centuries-old magic man with centuries-old muscles or whatever.

Feyre gets into the star pool and starts swimming. Tamlin gets in behind her, and she describes how the starlight water is dripping off his mask.

I legit CACKLED because I forgot about the mask superglued to his face.

Tamlin asks how Feyre learned to swim. She says that she used to watch the village children swimming at a pond and then just figured out how to do it herself. Tamlin then asks how Feyre lost her fortune. She wants to know how he knew they were once rich. "I don't think born peasants have your kind of diction." Feyre thinks about calling him out on his snobbery, but he's right, so she lets it go. 

Feyre explains how debt and bad investments led her father to lose their fortune when she was 11. ELEVEN? I had to go back and look up again why Feyre never learned to read. Her mother neglected their education, died when she was 8, but somehow her sisters learned to read and write? And after her mother died when she was 8, her wealthy merchant father never hired anyone to educate his daughters?? And then when they got to the village, that same merchant father decided the village school was beneath his daughter??? So 11 years in the wealthy class and she just never learned to read??? But she also has perfect rich-person diction, unaffected by years in the village and no one to correct her. lol, okay. WHATEVER YOU SAY, SJM.

Of course, whenever Feyre mentions her father, she has to slip in a little ableism, so she tells Tamlin that after they lost their money, her father "stopped trying," but also "I couldn't bring myself to mention that final, ugly moment when that other creditor had come with his cronies to wreck my father's leg." So, you know, the actual reason he wasn't able to provide for his family. He just "stopped trying." 

We thankfully cut away from them talking in the pool and jump to them heading back to the castle. Feyre keeps looking at Lucien during the ride, so he hangs back. Feyre thanks him for his help with the Surel and says that if he wants to kill her, he'll have to try harder. Lucien insists that wasn't his intent, but I do not actually believe him.

Feyre says she's joking, and she gets that she murdered his friend and invaded his home and stuff. Lucien knows that Feyre saved the Suriel before herself, something that not many fae would've done in her place. He gives her a hunting knife to keep as a sort of apology for hesitating when he heard her scream, even if he didn't hesitate for long. I beg to differ, though, because he was supposed to be nearby and he never made it, so he hesitated plenty.

Lucian asks Feyre not to stab him in the back. 

That was 10 Kindle pages and 33 em dashes.

Next time: Tamlin is to blame for Feyre being a sucky daughter in Chapter 19

♥️

Mari